Now not the actual flying squirrels with cute caped armpits, I’m talking about these chunky fucks:
The Fox Squirrel.
Ozzy’s arch nemesis.
Yesterday, I got home from work and promptly took the dogs outside. One of these chunky fucks was apparently surprised by our arrival even though we were not quiet about it. The dogs tree’d him in the smallest tree in the yard. Mind you, this tree is still twice my height. There was no chance that the dogs could actually get to him. Despite this, I didn’t want the dogs harassing him. So ring around the tree I go, trying to grab Ozzy because once I wrangle him, Samus will follow. Dogs are fast though so this was not working. The whole time the squirrel is chattering his fool head off.
Finally, I stop, put my hands on my hips and kindly explain to the squirrel that he needs to shut the fuck up because it’s just keeping the dogs all riled up.
MOTHER FUCKER LAUNCHES HIMSELF AT ME LIKE I’M THE NEXT AVAILABLE GODDAMN TREE.
I scream the world’s most pathetic scream, which I think caused him to realize, “OH SHIT THIS IS NOT A TREE” and he lands on my foot and scampers off up a giant maple tree.
Now I am forever scarred by the image of a fat, brown fuck with tail helicoptering coming at me from above.
It’s not often that I really tear a book that I didn’t like down, but two years ago I did just that to a book that I really hated. Every few months now I get someone pissed off at me for it and it’s the funniest thing. Mostly, they yell at me for my profanity or try to insult my intelligence for not seeing it’s apparently very fucking hidden splendor. Even better is when they tell me what I should or should not put in my book reviews.
[I’m imagining you all laughing maniacally along with me right here.]
The very best part is that when you check out this book’s Goodreads page, my review is the very first one to come up. Because, thanks to these fuck nuggets, every time they’ve commented, more people have liked it. By trying to knock me down, they’ve risen me to the top ranks and now everyone will see what I have to say about that book.
Teach those fuckers to try to tell me to do anything. MWAHAHA.
Damn the person that spread this sickness to me! Ain’t nobody got time for that.
I currently have the head cold of the century (or at least it feels that way) and it’s seriously cramping my style. I have had so much do this past week and the bare minimum has been done. I did happen to knock out some comics though thanks to having zero initiative to read anything that requires more focus.
Tomorrow we’re throwing a 30th birthday party for my husband’s best friend and there is still so much to do. I love hosting parties though since we bought our house. (It’s already been almost a year since we closed, crazy!) I’ve probably pinned half a million party ideas on Pinterest and look forward to implementing so many of them. But, the next 36 hours is going to require so much more energy than I have. Time to drown myself in caffeine and PCP. (I kid.)
I think every reader either has an author that they hate and/or ones they refuse to read. Myself included. But it’s my curiosity so I’ll be asking the questions here folks!
What author do you hate and/or refuse to read and why?
Let the discussions begin!
Ever since we bought our house in June, we’ve had nothing but vehicle problems. Both broke down the week that we signed the papers, then the week we were moving in I hit a deer. In August, we switched out one of the vehicles for another used vehicle. We had to replace the alternator pretty much immediately, then it lasted about another month before it sprouted a massive gas leak. The leak is going to cost more to fix than the vehicle is worth. So my lack of interaction on here in the last week is due to all that stress. (Although it seems that a lot of blogs have been a little quiet lately as well.)
Ultimately, we said fuck it all and traded in one car and signed a lease on a brand spanking new car. A lot of people think that leases are pointless since you’re throwing money at a car you don’t own. I used to think the same thing. However, for $70 more than what I was paying on TWO vehicles a month, we have a car we shouldn’t have to worry about for the next 3 years. The relief has been unbelievable. A massive weight off my shoulders.
Now it’s time to sit back and thoroughly enjoy the Halloween season. I’m hosting book club at my house for this month and have some pretty big plans. Next month, a little traveling around the state now that I have that ability again.
I’ve been living the life of no work since Friday evening and it has been fan-tabulous! Eating out at restaurants on a frequent basis, antiquing, being spoiled by my dad with candles, coffee mugs and new shoes while he’s town and just relaxing in general. Life at work had pretty much become as follows:
I have one day left and I plan to make the most of it before I return to the dredge of earning money. (The bank account is hurting due to my good times but oh well!)
Technically it’s only been 1 year since I brought this blog back to life and you nice ladies and fellows have jumped on board somewhere along the way. Originally, I began this as a way to bitch about the things in life that pissed me off anonymously. I probably did about a dozen posts before completely forgetting about my little endeavor. Four years later I matured. As in, I don’t care to be anonymous about my bitching and expanded my blogging interests. So thanks for hanging out and chatting whether it be about books, beer, baking or adorable animals for the past year. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the amazing blogs I’ve found along the way as well and the swell characters I’ve met and befriended. You’re all amazing and make the internet oh so interesting!
Oh Life! You saucy lil’ wench. Give us one giant step forward and five mediocre steps back. So goes this slutty little tango of ours. It’s fine really. I’m always triumphant. See you on the dance floor.
Continue reading Donkey Punch
I really try not to write whiny posts but damnit buying a house is frustrating! I suppose if it were easy, more people would do it. When I’m completely done with the process, I’m going to have to write Cupcake’s Guide to Buying Your Dream Castle. I feel like I could better guide and inform people of the process than the banks or realtors do. Every time we meet/talk with the bank we’re blindsided with yet a new obstacle to overcome to get the house. Emotionally, every day is a surprise in the sense that I’m either totally relaxed and convinced that it’s going to work out OR freaking the fuck out and convinced that it’s never going to happen. You really test the quality of your deodorant on days like the second option.
Which leads to daydreaming. I sit and daydream or research fun things to do in our new town on my down time. The options are fantastic. The library looks killer from the outside. The amount of hiking trails, parks and dog parks are splendid. I hear new amazing things about the town all the damn time.
Which leads to WHAT IF WE NEVER GET TO LIVE THERE?! Que anxiety on the borderline of panic attack.
I made it to 30 without developing any gray hairs but that may be changing soon.
Let’s face it. If you’ve been following this blog for any amount of time, I am not a quiet woman. I’m starting a new section of this blog to dedicate to political things. Now, maybe you come here for the book reviews, or baking recipes or cute pet photos, those things will still be my main focus. But, as a woman, living in Trump nation, well, I’ve got some shit to say about that.
So if you don’t like it, feel free to skip those ones by. Or unfollow me. Because here’s the thing, I’ve spent most of my life not giving two fucks if someone likes me and now that I’m older and even more comfortable in my skin, I don’t give three fucks if someone likes me.
With all that sass being said, introducing –Light My Fire.