Tag Archives: humor

Brain Droppings – Book Review

General update first: On the heels of finally getting better from hives, my husband’s grandmother is in the hospital with pneumonia and my aunt is in the hospital with an incredibly severe case of E.Coli. So between work and hospital visits, this blog is going to be back-logged for a hot minute. Hopefully things turn around in the next week and I can get back to my usual shenanigans.

3 out of 5 stars

“Milk Chocolate is for schmucks.”

A sentiment that I can definitely get behind. Hail to dark chocolate baby!

Anywho, this is exactly as titled. Brain droppings from the late, great George Carlin. Any random idea, thought process or insult that came to mind, made it to this scrapbook like collection of humor. Not something that most people would sit down and read all in one go, but something to make you feel better on your lunch break after dealing with the public for several hours. An offensive little pick-me-up.

“They try to blame movies and TV for violence in this country. What a load of shit. Long before there were movies and television, Americans killed millions of Indians, enslaved millions of blacks, slaughtered 700,000 of each other in a family feud, and attained the highest murder rate in history. Don’t blame Sylvester Stallone. We brought these horrifying genes with us from Europe, and then we gave them our own special twist. American know-how!”

“Sex always has consequences. When Hitler’s mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.”

Trick or Treat, Smell My Feet

A little questionnaire to get everyone in the holiday mood. I’ll post the questions without answers first to make it easy for everyone to participate if they wish:

  1. What scent sets the holiday mood?
  2. Favorite Halloween Fun Size Candy Bar?
  3. Favorite Halloween movie?
  4. Favorite seasonal sweet?
  5. What toppings are on the perfect candy apple?
  6. What’s your favorite costume you ever wore on Halloween?
  7. Most enjoyable fall tradition?
  8. Pumpkin Patch Hayride or Haunted Hayride?
  9. What song is a must for a Halloween Party Playlist?
  10. Favorite Halloween Monster: Dracula, Frankenstein, etc.?
  11. Cider or Cocoa?
  12. Scary movies or Scaredy cat?
  13. Pumpkin Spice: Yum, or Yuck?
  14. Which is scariest: Spiders, Zombies, or Clowns?
  15. Best find in your Trick or Treat bag?
  16. Worst thing to get in your Trick or Treat bag?

200_s

1. What scent sets the holiday mood?

Dead leaves. Above all else, for me, it’s the smell of dead leaves.

2. Favorite Halloween Fun Size candy bar?

Snickers

3. Favorite Halloween movie?

This is a bastard of a question….I will pick all B-Rated horror movies and you can’t stop me.

4. Favorite seasonal sweet?

Have you been following this blog? Pumpkin AND Caramel Apple.

5. What toppings are on the perfect candy apple?

Caramel and nuts.

6. What’s your favorite costume you ever wore on Halloween?

Catwoman from Batman Returns when I was like 8.

250px-pfeiffercatwoman

7. Most enjoyable fall tradition?

Gah. What is it with you people and wanting only one answer? Cider mills.

8. Pumpkin Patch Hayride or Haunted Hayride?

Haunted hayride. I much rather run through the pumpkin patch myself thank you.

9. What song is a must for a Halloween Party Playlist?

The Monster Mash!

10. Favorite Halloween Monster: Dracula, Frankenstein, etc?

Dracula

11. Cider or Cocoa?

Cider! Cocoa is for winter time you fools!

12. Scarey movies or Scaredy cat?

Scarey movies! I am not much of a scaredy cat about anything.

13. Pumpkin Spice: Yum, or Yuck?

How is ‘yuck’ even an option??

14. What is scariest: Spiders, Zombies or Clowns?

Goddamn clowns. Shudders

15. Best find in your Trick or Treat bag?

Reese’s peanut butter cups.

16. Worst thing to get in your Trick or Treat bag?

Mini dental kits. Way to ruin my fun you dentists!

1646-happy-halloween

Hypocrisy

I don’t argue politics. Especially when I don’t have all the facts. (Why make yourself look like an idiot?) Apparently this is a evaporating (and quickly) characteristic no longer acceptable in today’s society.

You must choose one side or the other. There is no such thing as fence sitting.

But why would I want to choose a “side” when both genuinely make themselves look like idiots on a regular basis? WHY SIDE WITH IDIOTS AND HYPOCRITES?!

I’m not going to claim things should be a certain way when I don’t have all the facts and someone could easily call bullshit on me. Thanks to social media, I frequently see this happening. Facebook status’ slamming the very thing people do in their private lives.

For instance, all these little meme’s that say a person should stand alone and not depend on the government, all the while they’re living on STATE AID!

One example in thousands. Seriously, pay attention. How many hypocrites/idiots are on your friend’s list?

I bet that now that I’ve pointed it out, it will bug the shit out of you. I bet you start considering clicking that “unfriend” button in less than a week.