Tag Archives: dreams

Psychic Poop

It’s been a while since I’ve had a truly bizarre dream and this one made people laugh hysterically while simultaneously grossing them out. Since I have no shame, I’ll share it with you fair folks.

It began as any nice road trip dream begins, exploring new places with your loved ones (dead and alive) when suddenly I find myself driving by my lonesome and needing to stop at a gas station. Of course I pick the gas station with a psychic medium doing a ghost tour. The main attraction of the tour being in the bathroom. Because all important things happen in the bathroom, for the dead and the living.

I don’t remember the actual conversation but at some point I plop my happy butt down on the toilet, only intending to sit on it for a rest and a good listen. Suddenly my stomach gives a mighty angry rumble and I immediately poop myself. Now, I remember having pants on but some how no poop is in the pants. Obviously everyone runs out of the room. Instead of being horrified, I calmly inspect the results in the toilet and find…….it is filled to the brim with baked beans.

Dissect the meaning of that one dream enthusiasts!

Gin ‘N Dreams

Bizzaro dream snippet brought to you by the brain of Cupcakes and Machetes:

I’m sitting on the floor of a family room in a house I don’t know. I have a giant gift basket full of random things someone gave me. I’m trying to share my chocolates and tootsie rolls with Snoop Dogg. He only wants my flavored tobacco. (And that’s not a lame metaphor for weed. It was literally flavored tobacco like you would smoke in a hooka.)

in-a-galaxy-far-far-away-snoop-dogg-still-smokes-weed-everyday_o_6325319

Tid Bits

It’s funny how sometimes you just remember some random ass part of your dream from the night before and nothing else.

This morning I remember swimming in a large indoor pool with a baby macaque monkey in a diaper. He kept shitting his diapers and I just kept swimming in the pool with him.

That’s it. Now I’m stuck here wondering why I wasn’t as grossed out in my dream as I am now. Why did I keep swimming in that poop water?

snow-monkey-baby_dsc6149-l

Kicked by the Mule

This morning was rough. The alarm clock woke me up and I promptly stubbed my toe. I had a really bizarre dream last night, a weird one even for me. Which of course inspired me to share said dream with the interwebz.

It began as an unusual breakfast with my coworker. Apparently there were new people covering for us at work so we could have an easy morning. We were having breakfast in her gypsy trailer, in which I know she does not live in in real life. Then, the people that were covering for us, suddenly couldn’t handle it so we both had to rush to work. I couldn’t find my other flip flop in her house, so this delayed me.

When I finally made it to the SUV that I do not have in real life, children kept running in and out of the road, causing my exit to be slow. So I politely threatened them out of my way. Something along the lines of, “Hey! Get out of my way!….You know, so you don’t get hurt.”

I finally make it to town, just one I have to drive through to get to where I actually need to go, and a lady in a carriage driven by a mule is in my way. I don’t remember the exact conversation we had about this but she sicks her mule on me.

A goddamn attack mule.

Somehow through this mule onslaught, I know that she beats the poor mule and that fuels my anger. So much so, that despite being kicked and mauled by a mule, I manage to drag my body up the side of the carriage and pull her down by her hair and eye socket.

Yes, you read that right. By her eye socket. I dug my fingers under her eyeball and pulled her down with me.

I manage to defeat evil woman and her mule. (I feel bad about the mule.) Bloody and limping, I drag myself to a nearby store that looks much like an old western inn or general store and ask for help. One woman says to follow her and the other tells me not to. She says to go across the store and get my picture taken by the paper so there is proof that I existed. So, I interrupt a nice family photo to have my beaten and bloody ass photographed.

That’s when the alarm clock went off and I proceeded to wake up and stub my toe. Like I hadn’t gone through enough in my dream.

mulelion02

Photographic proof not to mess with mules.