Monthly Archives: October 2016

This is Halloween!

I took the day off to enjoy our wedding anniversary, that’s right, we are THAT awesome. The last few weeks have been hard and we deserve some fun damnit! So tonight, we’re going out to a nice dinner and then a nerd rap concert.

But before all that jazz, I thought in spirit of the holiday, I would post some interesting facts about Halloween. You may or may not know them, but they’re fun and this is happening people.

  1. Halloween is thought to have originated around 4000 B.C., which means that Halloween has been around for over 6000 years.
  2. According to Irish legend, Jack-O-Lanterns are named after a stringy man named Jack  who, because he tricked the Devil several times, was forbidden entrance to both heaven and hell. He was condemned to wander the Earth, waving his lantern to lead people away from their paths.
  3. During the pre-Halloween celebration of Samhain, bonfires were lit to ensure the sun would return after the long, hard winter. Often Druid priest would throw the bones of cattle into the flames and, hence, “bone fire” became “bonfire.”
  4. Scottish girls believed they could see the images of their future husband if they hung wet sheets in front of the fire on Halloween. (See? Halloween IS romantic!)
  5. The word “witch” comes from the Old English wicce, meaning “wise woman.” In fact, wiccan were highly respected people at one time. According to popular belief, witches held one of their two main meetings, or sabbats, on Halloween night.

So light some bonfires and dance with the dead in the streets kids, it is Halloween everyone make a scene!

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MPHFPC – Book Review

That title is just too long for a blog title.

3 out of 5 stars

Peculiar is an accurate description of this novel. It was also a lot darker than I was expecting when I picked it up. Which is a bonus, because if you don’t know by know, I enjoy dark things.

Jacob is a seemingly normal, angsty, rich boy. His grandfather is a little out-there. But as a boy Jacob liked to believe in all the tall-tales his grandfather would tell him, until he became a cynical teenager as every person does during puberty. Then, he simply humored the old man. (Goddamn teenagers think they know everything.)

So when Granpappy (I just really wanted to use that in a review) kicks the bucket in a violent and unusual way, among monstrous creatures that Jacob sees for himself, Jacob realizes that maybe Grandpa wasn’t crazy OR maybe Jacob is crazy too.

It’s quite the debacle. Crazy people don’t know they’re crazy after all. Naturally, the only option is to seek out these extraordinary people his grandfather used to talk about and find out for himself what is real and what is not.

Thus begins the adventure of seeking out peculiar people. I’m not ruining anything because it’s the title of the book, when I tell you that, they do exist.

I enjoyed myself while reading this book but I will never say that I loved it. It was fun, interesting, peculiar (it did make me love that word), and the photos scattered throughout gave it some extra panache. Would I be devastated if I didn’t read the next book in the series? No. Would I enjoy myself if I did read the next book? Yes.

So there you go, flip a coin. You can’t be wrong in your decision to-read, or not-to-read.

Double Dead – Book Review

4 out of 5 stars

Whoever these dipshit psychopaths are, they’ve claimed this rat-fuck ghost town and I don’t feel like being around when they come back. Plus, they can’t spell for shit, and I don’t trust folks who can’t spell.”

My favorite protagonists are the foul-mouthed, sassy mother fuckers. Coburn delivers all of this and then some. He’s a vampire who has woken up in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. When you live off of the blood of living humans, this is a tad inconvenient. Spending a vampire-life time picking meals off the street, struggling to survive is a foreign concept. It’s tempting to suck the first human you see to death, and maybe you slip up and kill the guy. But, you have to start thinking outside of the box when the only bloodbags walking around are already dead and still trying to eat you.

If you’re a human, it might be nice to have a vampire around to help you survive the zombies. Vampires are quick and strong and can kill off zombies without causing much noise. Tithing a little blood in exchange for protection isn’t a bad deal, especially when you don’t have to spill any blood at all and can just point the vampire in the direction of the local cannibals killing off the few humans left.

This novel was like reading a B-rated horror movie, which just so happen to be my favorite. There is blood, guts, violence, humor and lots of swearing. Basically, a Friday night at my house.

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Pumpkin Banana Bread

I didn’t realize until I had mixed all my ingredients together that I was supposed to be baking these in glass loaf pans. I don’t have any so I used regular loaf pans and began checking the bread after about 35 minutes. My total bake time ended up being around 50 minutes. I also skipped the pecans.

This was divine. The flavor was a perfect blend of pumpkin and banana and the texture moist. Perfect to bring as an addition to any holiday party this season.

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Recipe Here

Brain Droppings – Book Review

General update first: On the heels of finally getting better from hives, my husband’s grandmother is in the hospital with pneumonia and my aunt is in the hospital with an incredibly severe case of E.Coli. So between work and hospital visits, this blog is going to be back-logged for a hot minute. Hopefully things turn around in the next week and I can get back to my usual shenanigans.

3 out of 5 stars

“Milk Chocolate is for schmucks.”

A sentiment that I can definitely get behind. Hail to dark chocolate baby!

Anywho, this is exactly as titled. Brain droppings from the late, great George Carlin. Any random idea, thought process or insult that came to mind, made it to this scrapbook like collection of humor. Not something that most people would sit down and read all in one go, but something to make you feel better on your lunch break after dealing with the public for several hours. An offensive little pick-me-up.

“They try to blame movies and TV for violence in this country. What a load of shit. Long before there were movies and television, Americans killed millions of Indians, enslaved millions of blacks, slaughtered 700,000 of each other in a family feud, and attained the highest murder rate in history. Don’t blame Sylvester Stallone. We brought these horrifying genes with us from Europe, and then we gave them our own special twist. American know-how!”

“Sex always has consequences. When Hitler’s mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.”

Mongrels – Book Review

2 out of 5 stars

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There may be some meaning to this story but it’s as hard to find as a needle in a haystack. It is well written but the prose is attempting to hide the lack of actual depth. It appears to be character-driven with plot playing second fiddle, but the characters are as lackluster as the plot. I’m not even entirely sure why I read it all the way until the end. Perhaps there was a little flicker of hope of something beautiful blooming from this dusty story. Nope. Just crab grass.

This is a coming of age tale involving a werewolf family. A will he, or won’t he, turn into a teenage werewolf like he so desperately wants? A family consistently on the run to hide themselves. Running from anything and everything like a bunch of sheep.

Wait? What? I thought you said this was about werewolves?!

Oh it is, I guess. The most unimpressive werewolves I’ve read about in a long time.

If you can imagine a trashy family, that happen to be werewolves, that break the law, live like scum and travel back and forth across the southern United States, well then you’ve just imagined this entire book. The end. Move along. Your imagination probably did it better anyway.

Etiquette & Espionage – Book Review

(Please note that this is an off-shoot of another series. One that I have yet to read, but I recently picked up book 2 in the series and remembered that I needed to post my review of the first book since it was so much fun.)

4 out of 5 stars

Whot. Whot.

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This was my very first steam punk novel and I quite enjoyed myself. I was looking for something fun and feisty and this certainly delivered.

The MC, Sophronia, is a character near and dear to my heart. A troublesome girl who is very unladylike much to the distress of her mother. (My dinosaurs ate my barbies and my knees were covered in bruises and scrapes.) What is a mother to do with such a tiresome lass? Well in this case it’s to send her to a finishing school to learn how to become a proper lady. (In my case, I was fully encouraged to continue in my ways because well, its no longer Victorian times.)

Much to Sophronia’s delight, the finishing school that has selected her not only teaches courses in etiquette but in all manners of espionage. (Hence the title if you haven’t caught on yet.) The school itself is a large ship that sails about the mists of the moor for there are enemies who would steal her secrets. One of which is a revolution in communication devices that has turned up missing. There is one suspect and Sophronia is determined to find where she hide it because one, the girl is a royal pain in the arse and two, it’s the right thing to do. Plus, it makes wonderful practice to employ the new tactics she has learned.

The entire cast of characters are fun. Everyone is so different yet so entertaining. I loved the lingo.

Whot. Whot.

Polly Pissy Pants Post

So that hideous rash? HIVES. Hives that I cannot figure out why the fuck they are plaguing me. To every single person who has had to experience this, I’m sorry. You do not deserve this type of warfare befall upon yourself for simply existing. Hopefully, you were able to discover the cause of your intense allergic reaction. I have not, and it is maddening. I am ready to flay myself. Where is Ramsey Bolton when you actually need a sadistic bastard to do your bidding?

Clearly, this has left me incredibly cranky and tired as shit. Having to fix not one but two vehicles didn’t help my mood either. Add to the fact, that I got nothing done that I had planned for the weekend. Polly Pissy Pants may be my new permanent title if these hives don’t fuck off.

My reading has been sporadic and delayed and quite frankly, all over the fucking place. I try to do myself the service of not reading more than two books at a time. But book ADD has kicked into full swing and I have four going at once. The fourth book is firmly blamed upon my younger cousin as I was hanging out with him today while the vehicle was being fixed and he insisted I read it. Damn book wyrm cousin! (I’m really enjoying it so far though so don’t read that as me actually being mad. It may be the one thing that did not make me cranky today.)

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Still not entirely sure about this one. Characters are interesting but I’m little worn out on the werewolves = white trash trope. We’ll see how it ends before I give any official opinion on it.

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I love George Carlin. I’m reading this on my lunches at work which is really the only way to read it. These are literally braindroppings. Anything he found mildly interesting and/or funny found their way here. 

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I want to be more one-with-the-Earth and in doing so, wanted to research more into Druidism. Borrowing this from a friend as a starting point.

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This is the book my little cousin thrust at me. It was on my to-read list anyway and I had time to kill so why not? I’m about 75 pages in and it’s definitely intriguing.

Polly Pissy Pants OUT!

Evil Dead the Musical

Now that I began my day by waking up with a hideous rash all over my body and it ruined my planned productivity, I’ll write a blog post instead. Silver linings and all that jazz.

We finally did it. We’ve been talking about it for years but we finally suited up and went to see Evil Dead the Musical.

At first, I was apprehensive. You see, if there is one horror movie series that I love above all others, it’s Evil Dead. So I wasn’t sure what I would find when I sat before the theatre stage.

I think I found Valhalla. A horror movie not only made into a stage production but a musical. Fake blood sprayed the audience. At first, I didn’t know what to think of the actor playing Ash, he severely lacked a profound chin. But alas, he was amazing!  (<— That really did deserve an exclamation point.) He spoke just like the character, he swaggered around the stage just like Ash and his humor was on point. So much so, that he schooled an extremely intoxicated (possibly tripping on something) audience member who laughed loudly and obnoxiously at everything. When I say everything, I do mean everything. The stage would be dark while they changed the set, nothing happening and this jack ass is cackling. His wife/girlfriend was desperately trying to get him to quiet down with no results, so Ash insulted him a few times mid-line. The insults were expertly interwoven with the dialogue. “What is that sound out in the woods? And what-the-fuck is that sound coming from the audience?” Security talked to the guy during the performance and after intermission I don’t think they were allowed back in. So, back to all the glorious gore.

If you love Evil Dead, horror movies, theatre, and being splashed with fake gore, you need to fork over $20 and go see the production. (There is of course, a no splash zone for any sissies out there.) It did not disappoint. If fact, I would like to go back every weekend until the production is over.

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Carrot Cake Zucchini Bread

I wanted to get one more zucchini bread recipe in before zucchini went out of season. My husband was begging for this one and both the boys (my husband and his best friend/roommate) ate 1 & 1/2 loaves of this in roughly 48 hours. So I suppose that makes it a pretty damn good recipe. I did not make the icing for the top. Icing on bread is not my favorite thing. Glazes are better.

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Recipe Here